Today’s email is going to be how I like my women:
Short n’ sweet (badum-pshh!)
And it’s something that even really smart marketers mess up on.
Which is your checkout page. Specifically making it as crystal clear as possible what you want the buyer to do and how to do it.
Even just having the input fields side by side, instead of one on top of eachother, can hurt your response.
So if you haven’t checked out your checkout page in a while, go take a peek and make sure it’s easy enough an 85-year old grandmother with zero knowledge of tech could do it.
Even if you don’t sell to 85-year old grandmas.
Because people are busy. And they buy on their phones. And they’re kids are screaming.
So make it simple or else.
If you want me to make sure your checkout page is optimal, click here:
Ready to get the edge over your competition?
Then here are 5 ways to write better copy… that have nothing to do with writing better copy:
1) Drugs—Yup, you heard that right. DRUGS! But not any ol drugs. Smart Drugs. Drugs like coffee + l-theanine… piracetam… and one I am very excited to try next Blue Cannatine.
Do your own research and make your own decisions on that obviously.
2) Supplements—Similar to drugs but less druggy. For me, a a good Omega-3 supplement is a must to have my brain run in full gear. But I also recommend trying adaptogens to deal with stress and high-doses of magnesium to keep you calm and focused.
3) Meditation—Meditation isn’t a crutch to feel better, calmer, and more focused. (In fact, when you meditate a lot, you tend to feel like crap, because you’re looking at all the parts of your mind you habitually ignore.) Even still, in the right doses, at the right times, meditation can keep you focused and create lots of space for the muse to bring you big ideas
It's something to try at least.
4) Exercise—Moving your body builds neural pathways between your body and brain. In other words, when you learn new movement patterns, your brain literally grows. So go grow your brain today and reap the rewards.
5) Puppies—Having a pup is the best copywriting hack in existence. Not only can you take a break rubbing their belly on the couch (even better than meditation for stress-release, imho), but you can also take them on nice long walks.
Which is a great time to drum up ideas and think through copywriting challenges.
Well, that was fun. If you like this type of email, let me know and I’ll do more of them.
Otherwise, waitlist thingy is here https://www.copybymccune.com
Pretty much any park you go to there will be a sign that says “clean up after your pets” with a little receptacle of doggy doo-doo bags you can use to clean up your dogs doo-doo.
You already know this.
What you may not know is these signs teach a powerful copywriting and sales lesson.
Because not only do they ask you to clear the land of your beast’s excreta… but they actually tell you how to use the doggy doo-doo bag.
Which you would think every waking person would know how to do.
And therein lies the lesson.
When making a sale—especially when doing it via copy—you absolutely MUST explain every atom and iota no matter how obvious or mundane.
Which includes how to order. What to expect after ordering. And especially how to use the product.
Cuz if they don’t feel empowered to use the product, they won’t buy it.
And doggy doo-doo will litter the land.
People don’t like feeling stupid. So if it’s between feeling stupid and opting-out of buying your product… they’ll opt-out every time.
Now an example:
If you’d like to get me on your team writing email or sales page copy, you must 1) click the link below, 2) enter your information into the form, and 3) wait until I email you letting you know there’s an opening in my calendar (which won’t be until October at the earliest).
Once you’ve done the steps above, you’ll receive a confirmation email letting you know you’re on the list.
Here’s the link:
Have you ever seen the sunrise while walking on a San Diego beach?
If not, I highly recommend it. It will breathe magic into all but the most Dalek-like of hearts.
And sometimes you’ll learn some powerful business lessons too. (Which is precisely what happened to Roo and I just this very morn.)
To understand, first you must know that almost everyone LOVES Roo. Every time I take him out, we get mobbed by throngs of people saying “wudda cutie”... “sucha good boy”... and my favorite: “dawwwwww”...
Today was no different.
Roo made many a friend.
Except for one grumpy old man who did not like Roo and made no secret about it.
So what’s the lesson in that?
The lesson is this:
No matter what you do—in business, marketing, or life—there will always be a small group of people who don’t like it. (What the kids refer to as “haters”.)
And if you listen to your “haters” and stop what you’re doing, you’ll deprive everyone else a bit of joy.
It’s like that Breaking Bad episode with the fly.
It was by far the most hated BB episode of all time. And yet, many people called it a “masterpiece”.
In other words:
Don’t fear the grumpy old dude on the beach. Simply walk towards your throng of fans.
To get help with that, head here:
On ancient battlefields, opposing armies would stand facing each other just out of reach of bowshot (before bows, they’d stand just out of reach of whatever could be thrown).
They would jostle for position and wait for the portents to be right.
The portents, of course, were a sorcerer of sorts, that would sacrifice a goat and read it’s entrails. If the gods smiled favorably upon the poor billy’s intestines, the sorcerer would give the sign and the army would attack.
In other words, superstition likely killed entire ancient armies.
This is nothing like that. But it’s an interesting metaphor nonetheless.
The entrails we are reading today are the gooey insides of a 5-figure coaching launch I just gutted with my clients. Specifically, we’ll read the beating gallbladder that is qualifying prospects.
The coaching program is a $3,000+, 6-week program by application only. In launches past, they received a kidneyful of unqualified applicants (and from reading the comments, it seemed like some of them gave the salespeople a hard time).
So instead of trying to whip up a cavalry charge of applications, I focused on targeting people ready to buy.
We received the same number of applicants (I think maybe 5 more tha last time) and nearly all of them qualified and booked calls. At one point, the salespeople were enjoying a 50-75% close rate. And last time I talked to my clients, they were nearly capped out, and still had a dozen or so sales calls to go.
Not too shabby.
So how’d I do it?
And how can you do it too?
Well let's just say, if you’re selling low-ticket items and you want to sell a lot… then you gotta dig out those side benefits and paint with a wide pancreas.
But if you’re selling high-ticket, low-volume offers (which I think is fun)… then you must zero in, with scalpel-like precision, and show the prospect this was made specifically for them.
Otherwise, they’re not going to apply, book a sales call, pay, and follow through with the 6-week program.
And, you'll get a ton of people who say on the application "I don't have any money to invest" even though it's a 4-figure down payment.
Which is an omen worse than cutting open a fresh sacrifice and finding maggots.
Now to the charge:
If you’d like The Sorcerer of Sales to slice and dice your prospect’s bellies, sift through their viscera, and pull out the juicy ruby that will make them buy, you must vanquish the throng of barbarians that is the client waiting list below:
US Politicians have lost it.
In less than 4 months, they’ve printed over three TRILLION dollars at the federal reserve.
How much money is that?
That’s 5,000 times more coinage than Jeffrey Epstein had. And he had “run a worldwide child trafficking ring and still don’t go to jail” money.
And the federal reserve ain't done yet.
While reading about the next stimulant checks, I found this beaut of a quote from Nancy Pelosi:
“We said we’d come down a trillion. You go up a trillion. Meet us halfway and we’ll be able to have an agreement that meets the needs of the American people.”
It’s funny she says that unironically. Cuz you know the old joke:
“Spend a billion here… a billion there… pretty soon you’re talking real money”.
Unfortunately our culture is rife with examples of parody becoming reality. And it's only getting worse.
Poe’d be proud.
Truth is, I’m not against the government helping people who need it. That’s part of its job.
But the way Shmancy and other poli-trick-cians talk about the economy like they’re playing interdimensional monopoly is batty to say the least.
It's also yet another reason to make your money now, before taxes and regulations tighten their stranglehold.
If you use lots of copy in your business, chances are I can help.
First step is to go here:
America’s largest shoe manufacturer sends two salesmen to the Amazon.
Their job is to see how many shoes they can sell there.
The first salesman hits the ground, walks around a small village, and immediately runs to the nearest US Embassy to relay a message.
“STOP! STOP! We’ve made a mistake! They don’t have any shoes…”
The second salesman lands a few miles away, walks around, and runs as fast as he can to send a message.
“Great news!!!! We have a glorious opportunity here… They don’t have any shoes!”
The point is opportunities are what you make them.
And you can train yourself to see things positive… or you can train yourself to see them negative.
Choice is yours.
The waitlist thing is here www.copybymccune.com
An email is like a marriage.
It’s very important that on the first few dates, you look good, don’t have spinach in your teeth, and keep your crazy stuffed firmly in a sack.
But then once you're married and the deal is sealed?
Then it’s all farts and dirty tees and “hunny make me a sammich”.
Only with email, it’s the first few lines that are really important. And once your reader is into the body copy, they’re much more likely to finish and see the CTA — even if they skim or scan.
Which is why I belted a hearty belly laugh the other day when I saw an email with the worst opening line of all time.
Not only did this line have NOTHING to do with the reader and what the reader wanted…
But it was just plain boring too.
So if you ever catch yourself using this sort of sentence construction as your opening line…
Stop and reconsider your life decisions. Mkay?
Here’s how the offending line read:
“Today, I want to talk to you about…”
Yikes. What a dud.
I won’t even fill in the rest of the line because it doesn’t matter. Anything that comes after “I want…” in copy is bad news.
Because no one gives a rat’s petootie what YOU want.
People care what “I” want.
In fact, every time you sit down to write, you can think of that scene from Finding Nemo, where all the seagulls are yelling “MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE”.
Yeah, that’s a pretty good visual.
And, if my copywriting services make you say “MINE, MINE, MINE”... here's the tasty link:
I have a family friend. Let’s call her “Donna”.
And not too long ago, Donna — a Trump-supporting religious zealot — thrashed me.
Donna was complaining about her shoulder and I — stupidly — gave her some advice (Note To Self: Stop giving stupid people advice).
My advice was harmless… or so I thought.
All I said was:
“Hanging should help your shoulder. Think about it, we evolved from monkeys, so our shoulders were meant to hang from trees and swing and stuff.”
Mon dieu was her reaction to that wild.
She told me she didn’t evolve from a monkey, she was never a monkey, she wasn’t meant to hang.
Ok Donna... (I should've called "Karen" amirite?)
The craziest part is, I had no idea she was even religious. I’ve never heard her talk about her faith… or talk about going to church… or seen a bible at her house… or nuffin.
Which teaches us some powerful copywriting lessons:
1) Always do your research
2) Some phrases will trigger people's coo-koo and piss them off to the point they’ll never buy what you’re selling.
Even phrases you think are totally harmless and inane (if you sell to liberal markets, I am sure this is a million times worse, as just using “he” instead of the indeterminate “they” can get some non-gendered panties in a bunch).
But really this is any market.
So always find the taboos of what can’t be said or promised or you risk a Trump-supporting religious zealot tearing off your head.
If you want my help writing your copy, the client waiting list waits below:
The other day I got an interesting email.
Not only did this email shame me, make demands of me, AND give me unsolicited advice… but it also taught some pretty interesting marketing lessons too.
Hence it read:
Dude. You need to start selling some info products. I didn’t even read all this because I felt like I got your gist pretty early, but I did scroll down to see what your CTA was at the bottom, as I know will always be there since you’re clearly a student of Mr. Settle.
And again, I was disappointed with your waitlist link.
You’re missing out on some income my man, because if I’m on your list, I’m sure there are many more like me. Not a business owner that is looking for a copywriter, I’m a bootstrapping business owner who writes my own copy, and also a newbie freelance copywriter getting my feet wet with client work right now.
And your man Ben Settle(and Dan Kennedy) says that the magic is when you have multiple offers because then your readers won’t know what you’re promoting. Kees then on their toes.
Just saying, I like you and I like your emails and if I saw a link to something that seemed a good value, I’d be whipping out my card pretty quick.
Usually, the rogues in the peanut gallery giving unsolicited advice get ignored and placed on secret probation pending review.
But since there are some marketing gems in there, we’ll let our pal slide… this time.
Here are the lessons his spiel reveals:
1) By showing up often, with good-enough emails, people will demand you sell them stuff. You'll notice the email dragged on for him (lol) and he STILL wanted to buy. Once again proving, consistency > perfection.
2) There are always going to be unique segments to your list. You should find ways to speak to all of them, while actively weeding out segments you don’t want to cater to.
3) If people 1) like you and 2) like your emails, they are already leaning towards scrolling to the CTA, whipping out their credit cards and buying, without even seeing a sales page or offer.
4) Having many offers is a great thing, otherwise you run the risk of people getting bored and tuning you out.
Which brings up a good point… why don’t I have more offers?
The best answer I have is “I’ve been busy”.
Which is both true and an excuse.
But new things are in the pipeline baby. Seek patience.
In the meantime, my boring client waiting list is here: www.copybymccune.com
Just click that link, fill out the form, and I’ll let you know when I have an opening in my schedule to next take on a client.